At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and Iām just fucking done
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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