Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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