We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
