My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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