So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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