Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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