ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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