I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
