nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
