fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
