I hate your face
farters have to be the big spoon...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
worst night to have a conscience
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
