I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
