you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
