Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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