Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
