Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so let's talk penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
