So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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