Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
