Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you still have your period?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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