we have pet lesbian snakes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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