your parents love me but you hate me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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