the condom got lost in my hair
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
