Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
