They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
