'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it was like eating out sand paper
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
