I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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