Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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