Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
