Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
