omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
