So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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