on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
