there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
