coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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