in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
