I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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