ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
