if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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