Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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