Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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