Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Congratulations! We have a period
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
