I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
