capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I AM VODKA MAN
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
