Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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