I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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