We're facebook friends in real life
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
