The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
