The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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