if you like me you must not know who I am
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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