i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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