sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
