The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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