I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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