I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
