i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
