You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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