proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
