I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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