My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
