My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
