Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
