Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
