Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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