am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
