a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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