I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
