i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
