it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
