so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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