Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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