I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
