I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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