John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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