Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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