i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
