we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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