I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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