im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
