I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
