i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
