everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
