yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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