I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
