Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
