Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize