just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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