He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
