I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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