I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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