Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
