I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
