so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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