Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
