You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
