so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
