16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
