Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your cock deserves a montage
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
