i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
