new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize