if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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