dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
