So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he shaved USA in his pubs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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