My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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