I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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