I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize