ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
